[ endless dream ]

[ Tuesday, September 30, 2003 ]

All right, so the Lovable Atheist isn't a mindless drone afterall. It takes some gusto to get paid to sit on the can for a while, so kudos to our favorite Atheist for that! Screw the system, man!

Now then, I really should get off my lazy ass to shower and make something to eat, so I won't bother rambling on for very long. Also, I can't think of very much to ramble on about.

That settles that.

[ Maleficia 11:43 AM [+] ]
...

I logged into blogger a few minutes ago with the intention of writing about a couple of things. I considered posting about how my weekend went, but nothing altogether very exciting happened, so that idea was scrapped. Next, I thought about going on about the weather, but figured that was a little too dull or cliche, so I tossed it aside as well. Then I came up with the brilliant notion of discussing how I'm at work right now with a headache, but seeing as how it's just a slight one, it really wasn't worth my time. So now I'm just rambling on about nothing in particular, trying to waste a little bit of time. Maybe I'll crawl under my desk and have a quick nap, just to see if anyone actually notices. Unless I get a call back from some of the people I had to call to book them for the next training session, I don't think anybody would bother me. I'll have to try this sometime.

So tomorrow is payday. I'm toying with the notion of going shopping on Saturday to see if I can pick up some of the things that are still hanging around on my List of Stuff to Buy. I'd like to purchase a new teeshirt and possibly a new pair of black jeans, but what I really need is a new pair of boots. Holes are starting to appear in the one's I'm wearing now, and I'm fearing for their lives. I don't think they'll make it through the fall, let alone the winter that's approaching. They can't keep water out anymore, which is quite annoying when it's raining outside, as it's threatening to do tonight. I hope it doesn't, because it's cold out, and I don't want water to pour into my dying boots and freeze my feet while I walk home from the bus stop. So I really do need to go shopping.

There's also the possibility of buying the Neverwhere DVD, but I don't know how I feel about dropping fifty dollars for it right now, so I may just wait to get it. And depending on the weather, I may take a walk down the comic book store to get a copy of Endless Nights. I think that's something I could allow myself to splurge on.

Now that I've wasted a small amount of time, I think I should get back to work; I have some mindless drones to watch over.

I'm talking about you, Lovable Atheist!

Actually, I'm really not. Nevermind; I got nothin'.

[ Maleficia 7:18 PM [+] ]
...

An uncomfortable silence filled the house last Friday afternoon: it was a silence of mourning interupted only by the sound of soft crying on my part when I picked up the phone to talk it through with Murmur. I kept the quiet throughout the day after that, choosing to leave my music off, staying up in my room for the better part of the afternoon. My dog died on Friday, September 19th after sixteen years of a happy dog life. As my cousin wrote in her sympathy card the next day, he was "Well groomed, well fed, well loved... and went happy." I found him sleeping on one of the steps to the basement on Thursday night when I went to grab my phone, so I picked him up and carried him back upstairs to his bed. He turned his head when I put him down to give me a look that must have meant goodbye, though I didn't realize it at the time. I scratched him behind the ear as he liked so much and went on my way to my room. The next morning after my shower, my dad knocked on the bathroom door and told me the vet was coming for him at 1:00. "Why?" I asked, looking at my own reflection in the mirror.

"He's dying."

I choose to believe he was waiting on that step to say goodbye to me; I want to think he knew what was coming and wanted to be held one last time.

All that morning, he wasn't himself, wandering with difficulty up and down the walk when he was let out. He collapsed a few times in the living room when mum was getting ready to go to work, shivering a lot, so she covered him with a blanket before leaving. He tried to follow dad to the kitchen as he always does during breakfast, but couldn't make it without collapsing again a few times, so he brought the dog to his bed, wrapped him in his red blanket, and that's where he stayed until the vet arrived, not moving, only breathing very heavily.

I came downstairs and saw him this way, and I stayed with him until his last moment, petting him gently until the vet finally told me, "I should do this now." I nodded once and stepped out of the room, and behind closed doors, it was over. He never struggled, never made a noise. The vet was very sympathetic during the entire ordeal, which I'm thankful for.

It's still hard to come home to a foyer without seeing him sleeping in the next room, without him coming to greet me when I open the door and unlace my boots. It's strange to not have him laying at my feet when I'm having lunch, or seeing him near the kitchen table during dinner. The house feels that much emptier without the sound of his feet following me around everywhere, or an inquisitive bark when someone is at the door. I still see him everywhere around the house: in the living room where he would lounge around when we're watching television, in the kitchen during meals... but most striking of all is the lack of his bed and dishes. He was part of the family, and this is going to take some getting used to.

I miss my dog, but if he was closest to anyone, it would have to be dad. He's been keeping the brave face since the vet came, but I'm sure he mourns in his own way, as we all do. Mum cried a lot, I cried, and both dad and my sister were dry-eyed but solemn. I know they miss him as much as I do.

It's always hard to say goodbye.

[ Maleficia 10:05 PM [+] ]
...

First off, my dear Lovable Atheist, this is your Douglas Adams reference: "people who leave boring answering machine messages would be the first up against the wall when the revolution comes". You owe me five kisses, buddy!

Now then, I waited for a whole bloody hour after work tonight for the goddamn 11:00 bus to come by and bring me home, but it never came, so I was left to wait for the goddamn 11:30 bus to get there, and that ended up being five or ten minutes late. I stopped counting when my fury reached its peak. The driver for the nearly-horribly late 11:30 informed me the 11:00 never came around because it broke down somewhere around its departure point, leaving the rest of us who rely on it to get us home safely stranded until the later one could get there. My fury diminished somewhat at this point, but I was -- and still am -- annoyed at getting home so frelling late from work.

But I'm home now, so whatever.

I've decided to postpone getting my new health card and passport photos until Monday in order to enjoy my day off tomorrow. I was given Friday to enjoy because I was gracious enough to fill in for someone else on Sunday, even though I really didn't feel like getting to the office for 11:00 in the morning on a weekend. But now I have tomorrow to myself, and I plan on doing absolutely nothing, aside from the possibility of maybe writing a little bit. I have a two new short story ideas swimming around in my little brain, so it would be nice to at least get those started so I don't forget what it is I want to do with them. But other than that, I'm going to sleep in, have a late lunch, watch some awful daytime television, and luxuriate in a day that will otherwise be filled with glorious laziness. I have some reading to catch up on; a series of comic books I borrowed from a friend are begging for my attention, as is another book of short stories. Those will be taken care of tomorrow. There's a chair in the spare room that hasn't had anyone to sit in it for a very long time, and I think I should be the one to bring human company back to it, at least for a few hours.

Tomorrow is going to be nice.

[ Maleficia 12:33 AM [+] ]
...

These freakin' training sessions are literally making me sick. I went home with a sore throat last night after having spent five straignt hours training a handful of new employees, some of whom have serious attitude problems, and now, as a direct result of last night's sore throat, I'm developing a cold. Not to mention my throat still hurts like a bastard, and I have to work tomorrow because one of the other supervisors called in to cancel his shift, so I'm left to cover for him. When will it end!? Well, I suppose it'll end when my cold is better and I don't have to do another stupid training session. As it stands, I'm not scheduled to run one at all next week, so hopefully that trend will continue for the next few weeks to come.

Since I have to work tomorrow, my weekend consists entirely and simply of today. That in itself has a tendency to suck, considering there isn't that much of today left as I write this. But at least I had an excuse to stay in bed this morning: I felt like crap! That's right, I'm justifying my laziness with an illness resulting from the over-use of my voice last night. I figure if I'm sick now, at least I'll get it out of the way and can remain unsick for the next several months. I usually catch a cold sometime around now anyway, so it's good that I can get it over with quickly.

Dad is making a pot of his famous spaghetti sauce, and I can just barely make out the smell from here. I won't be able to taste it fully this evening during dinner because of this blasted cold, but it isn't at the stage where I won't be able to taste anything at all yet, so at least I'll be able to enjoy dinner.

And now, I think I'll go make myself some tea.

Sniff.

[ Maleficia 3:29 PM [+] ]
...

I just got back from a short walk after having cleaned my room. I turned up my music and went on a cleaning rampage, starting -- naturally -- with my computer desk, since this is where I spend most of my time when I'm in my room. Aside from the bed, that is. So I figure between sleeping and being online, the bed and the computer area are the the two places in my room I frequent most often. I'm trying to get into the habit of cleaning in here at least once a week, running the vacuum and dusting so I don't end up sneezing my brain out too often, as has been the case lately. My room seems to attract dust like some kind of strange filth-magnet, sending my allergies into agonizing misery. Now everything is all clean and smelling faintly of Fabreeze, and I can actually breathe. Hoorah for a clean room!

I didn't bother dusting the bookshelf, but I probably should have done so, because there's still a very large colony of dust hanging around and behind the multitude of books I have piled up there. I really should invest in a bigger book shelf; I have books lying around in various other places in the room because I couldn't find anywhere to stack them without my current shelf bursting into an explosion of old pages. Maybe I should take some of the older ones I don't read down to the Book Market to see if they'd be willing to buy them for resale. Some of them probably wouldn't earn me that much money; I think everyone and their proverbial dog brings in old fantasy books that no one really wanted to read in the first place. But I figure it's worth a shot anyway. The worst they can do is offer me something like five cents, or just send me home without even accepting my stupid books. We'll see what happens.

This weekend has been pretty lazy, but it still managed to go by disgustingly fast, due in part to me waking up around 11:30 instead of a little earlier so I could have more of the day to enjoy for myself. Maybe I'll get up at a more decent hour tomorrow morning to squeeze in some time before I have to start getting ready for work. This might mean that I could actually try my hand at making omlettes, though I'm still convinced I'd screw them up. And they're still a lot better when Murmur makes 'em. (Your omlettes rock, honey. I'll stick to making French toast.)

I finished Drawing Blood in the tub last night, leaving tonight's bath without very much to read unless I feel like starting on Peter Straub's Magic Terror, the pages of which still have cat hair all over them. I don't think that's enough to get me sneezing again, so I'll probably begin reading that tonight while I luxuriate in some warm bubbles. I already finished one of the seven short stories in that volume, and it was pretty cool. The others are sure to be good as well.

For now, though, I believe I'll fiddle around online for a little while before finding something to eat.

If only I could find a way to extend the weekend.

[ Maleficia 4:42 PM [+] ]
...

I spent way too much money on Saturday when I bought myself a new purple shirt -- which is, incidentally, quite awesome and was on sale -- as well as a new tie, and the Two Towers DVD. Yes, I caved and purchased the DVD even if it isn't the Extended Edition. I didn't really feel like waiting until November for it to come out, even if I really should have done so in order to have access to all the bonus footage that was mentioned in the regular DVD's special features. I might have to give in and get the Extended Edition in addition to the one I already have, because the thought of all that cool stuff is simply very appealing when I think about it.

So now I need to factor in the Neverwhere DVD on my next paycheck, as well as my phone bill, and my final credit card payment. Then I can take a little trip the travel agency at the end of the month to get my plane tickets for Christmas. It's a very good thing there's a lot of work on the horizon so I can actually afford all these purchases, otherwise I might have had to eliminate Neverwhere from my shopping list, and that wouldn't have been fun. I'm eager to see what that will be like; I really enjoyed the book, so seeing it performed on screen will be fun. Hoorah for Neil Gaiman stuff!

Speaking of, I finally found out the release date for Endless Nights, but that's something I might end up waiting a little while to purchase, since my funds aren't unlimited, and I do need to save some money for Christmas shopping and spending money when I'm in Kentucky. Mum wants to hit Montreal for some shopping time in November or some such, so that could put a little dent in my wallet. Or I can say that I don't feel like going and save more money that way, but I don't know if I can resist the temptation that Montreal offers. We'll see how things go.

Since I will be spending Christmas in Kentucky, I need to change the date of my annual Christmas party (also known as the "Decemberween Party"), so I'm thinking that will be held on December 20th or 21st instead of its usual 23rd. I tend to start planning things for it well in advance some time around October, picking out what I'd like to have on the menu, what kind of wine to serve, what I want to wear, and all that wonderful stuff. I'd possibly like to do some decorating for it as well this year, but that's generally something mum take command of for some reason, so that will probably be left up to her again. I'll just worry about my party details when the time comes. It's only September, far too early to start worrying about Christmas quite yet. Because with Christmas comes snow, and I don't want to even think about snow right now.

I said there'd be no snow in October, and by God, there will be no snow!

Besides, snow would totally put a damper on my Halloween costume.

You. Shall not. Snow!

[ Maleficia 8:10 PM [+] ]
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