[ endless dream ]

[ Saturday, December 06, 2003 ]

Behold what a lazy day can do.

My Picasso Head rules!

Thank you, Wil Wheaton.

[ Maleficia 4:03 PM [+] ]
...

Right, well I'm proud.


Congratulations! You're Gandalf!


Which Lord of the Rings character and personality problem are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

[ Maleficia 11:55 PM [+] ]
...

Ugh.

Working 9:00 to 5:00 sucks in so many ways, the most irritating of which is having to get up at 7:00 and waiting out in the freakin' cold for the freakin' bus. Being here isn't all that bad since there isn't all that much to do, which in turn means I can sit here and type away in my blog, so I guess I shouldn't complain. Eight hours will be nice on what will otherwise be a pretty slim paycheck. There hasn't been all that much work lately, so I won't be getting very much money. Noooooo!

But enough about work.

I managed to complete my novel not only on time, but an entire day early. Go me! I also went over the minimum word count, which I'm happy about. I won't, however, rattle on about how many words I wrote per day or any of that crap, because no one really gives a hoot about that kind of stuff anyway. So all I have left to do is some minor editing before I get the manuscript printed out and copied. Depending on how tired I am when I get home this evening, I might do some of that editing stuff tonight either before or after I soak up some warmth in the bath. Mmm, luxuriating.

The local Thank God It's Over party is this Saturday, and I think there's a very good chance I may end up going to that, even if the majority of people attending will be a helluva lot younger than I am. I'll feel slightly out of place, but whatever; the diner has good food. And the bus I take stops right in front of the place, so I can make a quick escape into the cold, cold night if I have to. Bwahaha!

All right, I'm done.

[ Maleficia 10:34 AM [+] ]
...

There is a valid reason why I haven't been updating this thing very frequently over the course of this month, and that reason is due in part to NaNoWriMo. So as we approach the end of November and the end of my novel, I'll be returning my attention to my blog.

But not yet.

For now, I'm going to take a break from writing to watch Win Ben Stein's money or something.

[ Maleficia 2:17 PM [+] ]
...

I stole the idea from Murmur, but here it is... the rebirth of my board. Go. Go now!

[ Maleficia 8:33 PM [+] ]
...

I just noticed something: there's no way to turn the lights off in this office. I was thinking about how much more relaxing it would be to turn the lights off and bring in a little lamp for some softer illumination, but when I looked up to where the lightswitch should be next to the door, I noticed only two blank panels of plastic, so I guess my lamp idea is completely out of the question. Also, this isn't exactly my office, so it probably wouldn't be a good idea anyway.

Oh well.

So I'm twenty-three years old now. I don't feel much different than when I was twenty-two, aside from the need for me to remember to tell people, "I'm twenty-three" should they ask for my age, rather than lying to them by saying that I'm twenty-two. Or I suppose I could lie to them and no one would really know... except me. That would give me a very small sense of power: only I would know how old I am.

But that's something to start doing when I'm old. Older. Older than I am now.

I'm not that old.

[ Maleficia 6:58 PM [+] ]
...

Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday TO me. Happy BIRTHday dear me-eee... happy birthday to me.

[ Maleficia 8:25 PM [+] ]
...

I closed a drawer on my thumb at work tonight. Some might think it silly of me to stick my thumb in a drawer while closing it, but I personally blame the drawer for being in my way when I was looking for something. I can't even remember what it was that I was looking for, but the drawer has now made a new enemy, one that will not rest until the drawer has been put in its place... which is just beneath the desk. So now my thumb is just a little bit sore, which is good, because that means I can still type. Not like I slammed the damn drawer on it or anything, just a little but of an 'oww, goddamnit!' moment, which was then followed by an sharp intake of breath, and a 'sonofabitch' moment.

And that's how wonderful my night at work was.

It really wasn't all that bad, actually; I was busier than most nights, checking up on appointments and whatnot, so the evening flew by pretty quickly. And the horribly cold weather we've been having all week wasn't all that horrible tonight, so that added to the general top-drawerness of my day, to stick with the theme I have going here. Top drawer, kids. Top drawer.

I just finished eating a tupperware container full of leftover spaghetti, because I was too lazy to transfer the contents of the tupperware container into something that wasn't tupperware to then throw it into the microwave. So I just shoved the whole deal into the old Radiation King and waited for an interminable minute and a half before my makeshift meal was ready to be consumed in all its quickly-warmed-up goodness. The lack of paper towels had me worried for a moment until I located a strategically placed package of dinner napkins, so when nobody was looking, I quickly stole one of these and proceeded to ferry it up to my room whereupon I soiled it with spaghetti sauce. Mmm, lovely.

And now I can begin looking forward to doing absolutely nothing tomorrow.

Well, perhaps not absolutely nothing, since I do have to take into account breathing, eating, moving, and other such trivial things. But aside from that, I don't have much planned.

Here's to the weekend.

[ Maleficia 11:58 PM [+] ]
...

All right, so the Lovable Atheist isn't a mindless drone afterall. It takes some gusto to get paid to sit on the can for a while, so kudos to our favorite Atheist for that! Screw the system, man!

Now then, I really should get off my lazy ass to shower and make something to eat, so I won't bother rambling on for very long. Also, I can't think of very much to ramble on about.

That settles that.

[ Maleficia 11:43 AM [+] ]
...

I logged into blogger a few minutes ago with the intention of writing about a couple of things. I considered posting about how my weekend went, but nothing altogether very exciting happened, so that idea was scrapped. Next, I thought about going on about the weather, but figured that was a little too dull or cliche, so I tossed it aside as well. Then I came up with the brilliant notion of discussing how I'm at work right now with a headache, but seeing as how it's just a slight one, it really wasn't worth my time. So now I'm just rambling on about nothing in particular, trying to waste a little bit of time. Maybe I'll crawl under my desk and have a quick nap, just to see if anyone actually notices. Unless I get a call back from some of the people I had to call to book them for the next training session, I don't think anybody would bother me. I'll have to try this sometime.

So tomorrow is payday. I'm toying with the notion of going shopping on Saturday to see if I can pick up some of the things that are still hanging around on my List of Stuff to Buy. I'd like to purchase a new teeshirt and possibly a new pair of black jeans, but what I really need is a new pair of boots. Holes are starting to appear in the one's I'm wearing now, and I'm fearing for their lives. I don't think they'll make it through the fall, let alone the winter that's approaching. They can't keep water out anymore, which is quite annoying when it's raining outside, as it's threatening to do tonight. I hope it doesn't, because it's cold out, and I don't want water to pour into my dying boots and freeze my feet while I walk home from the bus stop. So I really do need to go shopping.

There's also the possibility of buying the Neverwhere DVD, but I don't know how I feel about dropping fifty dollars for it right now, so I may just wait to get it. And depending on the weather, I may take a walk down the comic book store to get a copy of Endless Nights. I think that's something I could allow myself to splurge on.

Now that I've wasted a small amount of time, I think I should get back to work; I have some mindless drones to watch over.

I'm talking about you, Lovable Atheist!

Actually, I'm really not. Nevermind; I got nothin'.

[ Maleficia 7:18 PM [+] ]
...

An uncomfortable silence filled the house last Friday afternoon: it was a silence of mourning interupted only by the sound of soft crying on my part when I picked up the phone to talk it through with Murmur. I kept the quiet throughout the day after that, choosing to leave my music off, staying up in my room for the better part of the afternoon. My dog died on Friday, September 19th after sixteen years of a happy dog life. As my cousin wrote in her sympathy card the next day, he was "Well groomed, well fed, well loved... and went happy." I found him sleeping on one of the steps to the basement on Thursday night when I went to grab my phone, so I picked him up and carried him back upstairs to his bed. He turned his head when I put him down to give me a look that must have meant goodbye, though I didn't realize it at the time. I scratched him behind the ear as he liked so much and went on my way to my room. The next morning after my shower, my dad knocked on the bathroom door and told me the vet was coming for him at 1:00. "Why?" I asked, looking at my own reflection in the mirror.

"He's dying."

I choose to believe he was waiting on that step to say goodbye to me; I want to think he knew what was coming and wanted to be held one last time.

All that morning, he wasn't himself, wandering with difficulty up and down the walk when he was let out. He collapsed a few times in the living room when mum was getting ready to go to work, shivering a lot, so she covered him with a blanket before leaving. He tried to follow dad to the kitchen as he always does during breakfast, but couldn't make it without collapsing again a few times, so he brought the dog to his bed, wrapped him in his red blanket, and that's where he stayed until the vet arrived, not moving, only breathing very heavily.

I came downstairs and saw him this way, and I stayed with him until his last moment, petting him gently until the vet finally told me, "I should do this now." I nodded once and stepped out of the room, and behind closed doors, it was over. He never struggled, never made a noise. The vet was very sympathetic during the entire ordeal, which I'm thankful for.

It's still hard to come home to a foyer without seeing him sleeping in the next room, without him coming to greet me when I open the door and unlace my boots. It's strange to not have him laying at my feet when I'm having lunch, or seeing him near the kitchen table during dinner. The house feels that much emptier without the sound of his feet following me around everywhere, or an inquisitive bark when someone is at the door. I still see him everywhere around the house: in the living room where he would lounge around when we're watching television, in the kitchen during meals... but most striking of all is the lack of his bed and dishes. He was part of the family, and this is going to take some getting used to.

I miss my dog, but if he was closest to anyone, it would have to be dad. He's been keeping the brave face since the vet came, but I'm sure he mourns in his own way, as we all do. Mum cried a lot, I cried, and both dad and my sister were dry-eyed but solemn. I know they miss him as much as I do.

It's always hard to say goodbye.

[ Maleficia 10:05 PM [+] ]
...

First off, my dear Lovable Atheist, this is your Douglas Adams reference: "people who leave boring answering machine messages would be the first up against the wall when the revolution comes". You owe me five kisses, buddy!

Now then, I waited for a whole bloody hour after work tonight for the goddamn 11:00 bus to come by and bring me home, but it never came, so I was left to wait for the goddamn 11:30 bus to get there, and that ended up being five or ten minutes late. I stopped counting when my fury reached its peak. The driver for the nearly-horribly late 11:30 informed me the 11:00 never came around because it broke down somewhere around its departure point, leaving the rest of us who rely on it to get us home safely stranded until the later one could get there. My fury diminished somewhat at this point, but I was -- and still am -- annoyed at getting home so frelling late from work.

But I'm home now, so whatever.

I've decided to postpone getting my new health card and passport photos until Monday in order to enjoy my day off tomorrow. I was given Friday to enjoy because I was gracious enough to fill in for someone else on Sunday, even though I really didn't feel like getting to the office for 11:00 in the morning on a weekend. But now I have tomorrow to myself, and I plan on doing absolutely nothing, aside from the possibility of maybe writing a little bit. I have a two new short story ideas swimming around in my little brain, so it would be nice to at least get those started so I don't forget what it is I want to do with them. But other than that, I'm going to sleep in, have a late lunch, watch some awful daytime television, and luxuriate in a day that will otherwise be filled with glorious laziness. I have some reading to catch up on; a series of comic books I borrowed from a friend are begging for my attention, as is another book of short stories. Those will be taken care of tomorrow. There's a chair in the spare room that hasn't had anyone to sit in it for a very long time, and I think I should be the one to bring human company back to it, at least for a few hours.

Tomorrow is going to be nice.

[ Maleficia 12:33 AM [+] ]
...

These freakin' training sessions are literally making me sick. I went home with a sore throat last night after having spent five straignt hours training a handful of new employees, some of whom have serious attitude problems, and now, as a direct result of last night's sore throat, I'm developing a cold. Not to mention my throat still hurts like a bastard, and I have to work tomorrow because one of the other supervisors called in to cancel his shift, so I'm left to cover for him. When will it end!? Well, I suppose it'll end when my cold is better and I don't have to do another stupid training session. As it stands, I'm not scheduled to run one at all next week, so hopefully that trend will continue for the next few weeks to come.

Since I have to work tomorrow, my weekend consists entirely and simply of today. That in itself has a tendency to suck, considering there isn't that much of today left as I write this. But at least I had an excuse to stay in bed this morning: I felt like crap! That's right, I'm justifying my laziness with an illness resulting from the over-use of my voice last night. I figure if I'm sick now, at least I'll get it out of the way and can remain unsick for the next several months. I usually catch a cold sometime around now anyway, so it's good that I can get it over with quickly.

Dad is making a pot of his famous spaghetti sauce, and I can just barely make out the smell from here. I won't be able to taste it fully this evening during dinner because of this blasted cold, but it isn't at the stage where I won't be able to taste anything at all yet, so at least I'll be able to enjoy dinner.

And now, I think I'll go make myself some tea.

Sniff.

[ Maleficia 3:29 PM [+] ]
...

I just got back from a short walk after having cleaned my room. I turned up my music and went on a cleaning rampage, starting -- naturally -- with my computer desk, since this is where I spend most of my time when I'm in my room. Aside from the bed, that is. So I figure between sleeping and being online, the bed and the computer area are the the two places in my room I frequent most often. I'm trying to get into the habit of cleaning in here at least once a week, running the vacuum and dusting so I don't end up sneezing my brain out too often, as has been the case lately. My room seems to attract dust like some kind of strange filth-magnet, sending my allergies into agonizing misery. Now everything is all clean and smelling faintly of Fabreeze, and I can actually breathe. Hoorah for a clean room!

I didn't bother dusting the bookshelf, but I probably should have done so, because there's still a very large colony of dust hanging around and behind the multitude of books I have piled up there. I really should invest in a bigger book shelf; I have books lying around in various other places in the room because I couldn't find anywhere to stack them without my current shelf bursting into an explosion of old pages. Maybe I should take some of the older ones I don't read down to the Book Market to see if they'd be willing to buy them for resale. Some of them probably wouldn't earn me that much money; I think everyone and their proverbial dog brings in old fantasy books that no one really wanted to read in the first place. But I figure it's worth a shot anyway. The worst they can do is offer me something like five cents, or just send me home without even accepting my stupid books. We'll see what happens.

This weekend has been pretty lazy, but it still managed to go by disgustingly fast, due in part to me waking up around 11:30 instead of a little earlier so I could have more of the day to enjoy for myself. Maybe I'll get up at a more decent hour tomorrow morning to squeeze in some time before I have to start getting ready for work. This might mean that I could actually try my hand at making omlettes, though I'm still convinced I'd screw them up. And they're still a lot better when Murmur makes 'em. (Your omlettes rock, honey. I'll stick to making French toast.)

I finished Drawing Blood in the tub last night, leaving tonight's bath without very much to read unless I feel like starting on Peter Straub's Magic Terror, the pages of which still have cat hair all over them. I don't think that's enough to get me sneezing again, so I'll probably begin reading that tonight while I luxuriate in some warm bubbles. I already finished one of the seven short stories in that volume, and it was pretty cool. The others are sure to be good as well.

For now, though, I believe I'll fiddle around online for a little while before finding something to eat.

If only I could find a way to extend the weekend.

[ Maleficia 4:42 PM [+] ]
...

I spent way too much money on Saturday when I bought myself a new purple shirt -- which is, incidentally, quite awesome and was on sale -- as well as a new tie, and the Two Towers DVD. Yes, I caved and purchased the DVD even if it isn't the Extended Edition. I didn't really feel like waiting until November for it to come out, even if I really should have done so in order to have access to all the bonus footage that was mentioned in the regular DVD's special features. I might have to give in and get the Extended Edition in addition to the one I already have, because the thought of all that cool stuff is simply very appealing when I think about it.

So now I need to factor in the Neverwhere DVD on my next paycheck, as well as my phone bill, and my final credit card payment. Then I can take a little trip the travel agency at the end of the month to get my plane tickets for Christmas. It's a very good thing there's a lot of work on the horizon so I can actually afford all these purchases, otherwise I might have had to eliminate Neverwhere from my shopping list, and that wouldn't have been fun. I'm eager to see what that will be like; I really enjoyed the book, so seeing it performed on screen will be fun. Hoorah for Neil Gaiman stuff!

Speaking of, I finally found out the release date for Endless Nights, but that's something I might end up waiting a little while to purchase, since my funds aren't unlimited, and I do need to save some money for Christmas shopping and spending money when I'm in Kentucky. Mum wants to hit Montreal for some shopping time in November or some such, so that could put a little dent in my wallet. Or I can say that I don't feel like going and save more money that way, but I don't know if I can resist the temptation that Montreal offers. We'll see how things go.

Since I will be spending Christmas in Kentucky, I need to change the date of my annual Christmas party (also known as the "Decemberween Party"), so I'm thinking that will be held on December 20th or 21st instead of its usual 23rd. I tend to start planning things for it well in advance some time around October, picking out what I'd like to have on the menu, what kind of wine to serve, what I want to wear, and all that wonderful stuff. I'd possibly like to do some decorating for it as well this year, but that's generally something mum take command of for some reason, so that will probably be left up to her again. I'll just worry about my party details when the time comes. It's only September, far too early to start worrying about Christmas quite yet. Because with Christmas comes snow, and I don't want to even think about snow right now.

I said there'd be no snow in October, and by God, there will be no snow!

Besides, snow would totally put a damper on my Halloween costume.

You. Shall not. Snow!

[ Maleficia 8:10 PM [+] ]
...

Today is payday, and as a direct result of this minor blessing, I might take myself out shopping at some point tomorrow. I have a new shirt and tie to pick up for a certain Big Date in October, where we'll be going to the wonderfully opulent Chef Pierre Restaurant on Montreal Road. Incidentally, this is the same beautifully lavish Chef Pierre Restaurant where my family started a sugar packet fight in the middle of dinner. I'll find out if I've been banned from the place when I call to make the reservations. I'm sure there are other superbly expensive French restaurants we can go to if the Chef decides he doesn't want to have his establishment tarnished by my family name ever again, but odds are no one even remembers the incident. I'm not important enough to be banned!

Although the Big Date is still a couple of months away, I feel like making my clothing purchases sometime in the near future. I would also like to pick up a copy of The Two Towers, but I might just let that one slide and wait to buy the Special Edition when it comes out. That way, I'll have a little extra money to splurge on the new Neverwhere DVD when that becomes available on September 9th. Hopefully HMV will be carrying it, otherwise I'll end up muttering about their lack of selection before trying to hit other stores that might have it in stock. But according to HMV's website -- which is, for reasons unknown, under Amazon.ca's website -- they'll be carrying it, so it's just a matter of waiting.

I finished listening to the original BBC tapes of The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy last night, and now I seriously need to pick up the omnibus edition of the book. But that's another item I can wait to purchase; I still have Poppy Z. Brite's Drawing Blood to finish, and I'm only a little more than halfway through that one. I also have another book Murmur lent me, increasing my backlog of reading material by a few. I'll get to it eventually, though; a collection of short stories is always good to have handy.

I made a second copy of my "Summer Mix" CD yesterday, since my original copy is now in the CD changer of a little red car in Kentucky. I also left my collar in the passenger side drink holder of said little red car, mostly because I completely forgot about having taken it off somewhere between Shelbyville and the State Fair.

By the way, I still think it's fairly amusing that we had dinner at a Cracker Barrel in Shelbyville, even if that resulted in me losing a point on the Online Snob Test.

But hey, 74% snob is still fine by me!

[ Maleficia 8:24 PM [+] ]
...

There's a war going on. It isn't taking place across the ocean in some desolate part of the world, and people aren't being shot or mutilated in it. No one is dying a horrible, fiery death... or at least, not yet. There's a war in progress, and it's a war of wits: a Cheezy Gift Giving War. It began almost a year ago, in the month of October, when the first few bombings consisted of a giant, over-sized novelty comb, and a Canada poker-style visor. Months later, only last week, the other side retaliated with a blitzkrieg of silliness, the atomic bomb of which has to be a finger puppet fashioned as a farmer. And we can't forget the other items I can't yet mention due to their intended targets not having been struck yet, because the intelligence agents of those same targets could very well be reading this to assimilate information to use in battle. But when they are struck, when these weapons of mass distraction have been delivered, I will be here to report the carnage that ensues.

Both parties have sworn the most viscious of vengeance, and though they may scoff at each other's threats, I'm taking them quite seriously. The casualties will number in the single digits, and the damage to the psyches of everyone involved will be to the utmost minimum. A Geneva convention of sorts must be established by a neutral third party, the United Nations Security Council of Silliness, if you will. Unfortunately, I'm not playing the side of Switzerland in this war, and my support may or may not be given to a certain faction involved in the battles, so I cannot be part of the Security Council. I can only hope that I will not become a target, that I won't end up wailing in agonizing laughter by an unannounced Silly Missile Strike. I'll be ready should that happen; my forces of cheeziness, my army of Dollar Store merchandise will be ready to be called into action, to fulfill their purpose of striking down the opposition by inducing fits of uncontrolable laughter that will bring them to their knees.

Or I could fail miserably and not be able to come up with any silliness whatsoever, forcing me to capitulate into fits of laughter myself.

Maybe I should play the part of Switzerland and not get involved afterall.

Of course, we all know where my loyalties lie.

Onward, silly soldiers!

[ Maleficia 8:37 PM [+] ]
...

The shining form of Mars winked at me from within the velvet darkness of the heavens last night while I walked home from the bus stop after work, and I took a few extra minutes to stand at the end of my driveway and gaze up at the night sky. There was a time last week when I watched the Red Planet somewhere else, the memory of which will be with me forever. It was wonderful to sit outside on the damp grass of the backyard, the only illumination coming from nearby lights, a couple of candles, and Mars herself, smiling down at us betwixt the other stars. Last night was supposed to be the closest the planet will have gotten to Earth in around sixty-thousand years, so seeing it glowing like a tiny second moon was definately a unique experience.

But maybe I'll come back in another sixty-thousand years to see it again.

Tonight has been pretty hectic at work. Between lending "my" office to another supervisor so she could demonstrate to a handful of newbies how we monitor them, and the need to import more numbers in here by another supervisor, I've been running around a lot. But now I have my brief moment to write a little, so I'm taking full advantage of it.

I have to run a training session on Tuesday, the day after the long weekend, and I foresee much suckitude in that regard. I really don't enjoy doing these freakin' things, mainly because I haven't had much of a chance to do them in the past, and when I did, I was always with someone else in case I didn't know what to do. But I'll be on my own on Tuesday, so the thought of having fifteen people hanging on my every word has me a little nervous. It's kind of like being a teacher, though I'm stuck teaching a subject I don't particularly enjoy, or have a real passion for. Now, if I somehow managed to squeeze in some English lessons into this training session, I might feel a little better about the whole thing. Maybe there's a way for me to do that. hmm..

On a completely unrelated -- but somewhat more interesting -- matter, I finally got the link to The Atheist's blog, and you might notice the new link to said blog on the appropriate menu to the left. Give it a read; it's pretty cool. While you're at it, why not take a look at The Atheist's Virtual Pub, containing his reviews of different beers. Go on, you know you want to.

And on that note, I should get back to work.

Less than two bloody hours until I can go home.

This shift is going on forever!

[ Maleficia 8:45 PM [+] ]
...

I've settled back into the flow of things back here at home after being in Heaven for a week. Though the events leading up to my departure had me severely worried that I would be grounded here, everything worked out as planned, and I have a handful of new memories to add to the myriad others I already have, and the plethora of ones I know are coming.

So, let's start with the blackout.

I got to work on Thursday, thinking everything would proceed as it normally does. I was expecting to continue my temporary Human Resource duties, calling people who had submitted resumes to set up interviews with them for the slew of training sessions that would be forthcoming. I was even told that my plans to take Friday off wouldn't be feasible, since I was needed for those same duties. But as I began to leaf through the overbearing HR Book to select which resumes I'd be looking at, the office was bathed in darkness, and the boss came running out of his little cubby-hole in mock panic, flailing his arms in the air and screaming in an undertone. We stepped out onto the balcony to see if our building was the only one without power, and noticed people milling about the sidewalk across the street, thus leading us to believe the block was down. After a little while, the day shift people were dismissed, and the rest of the supervisors and I were instructed to wait until 6:00 before packing up and leaving. A few minutes later, the security guard came upstairs and informed us to leave: they were closing down the building because all of downtown was without power. I went to catch my bus, thinking there wouldn't be that many problems, and noticed gridlock everywhere I looked. People were speaking of Biblical disaster, that the power was down throughout all of North America.

I scoffed and kept walking.

It was then I came upon a hot-dog vendor with a battery powered radio, and the news reporter was saying how power was out all the way to North Carolina. This made me begin my downward spiral into severe anxiety. More walking brought me to a police officer who confirmed the rumour that this wasn't a localized thing: power was indeed down across most of the Eastern Seaboard.

My bus wasn't going anywhere, so I walked home... for three hours until I finally caught up with it again. Once inside my house, I told my parents what I'd heard, since I assumed they weren't aware of the severity of the blackout. Grudgingly, I settled down to read the rest of the new Harry Potter book until the sun set, robbing me of reading light. I called Murmur to let her know about the situation, and to get a little bit of moral support about my flight on Saturday. She assured me everything would be fine, and she was quite right.

As it turns out, I did actually get Friday off thanks to the Province-wide state of emergency, so I had time to pack everything I needed for my trip, though I wasn't able to purchase the birthday presents I wanted to get. Come Saturday -- and after about three calls to the airlines to be sure the flight was actually running -- I arrived at the airport and was on my way to Kentucky, with a brief stop-over in Detroit.

A week of eating out, jaunts to book stores and comic shops, drag pageants, lovely red wine, Mars watching, staring at royal horse-related exhibits at the museum, omlettes, late nights in the basement, naps on the couch, movies, and other things left me with a sense of happiness and contentment that will continue to linger with me until the next time.

October isn't that far away.

And spending Christmas down there won't be too far away after that.

For now, though, I'll smile at the memories made, and those yet to come.

[ Maleficia 8:46 PM [+] ]
...

I have a new term... well, two new terms, actually. And those would be "fantacular", and "spectastic". Both these new words obviously mean something excellent or sensational. So I can say, "My trip to Kentucky next week will be fantacular!" or, "The meatball sub I had for dinner was simply spectastic". Okay, so maybe the sub wasn't entirely spectastic, but it was pretty good, considering it was only some cheap fast food. Either way, thanks go out to Mathieu for providing me with new and rediculous expressions to write about.

That's really about the only fantacular thing I have to say at the moment; today hasn't been all that eventful. I'm sitting at work right now, and that's far from spectastic. But at least things aren't all that busy tonight, so that's something I should be grateful for. The shift will be ending somewhere around 9:00 again, just as it did last night, and while this means I won't be getting as much money as I would like to, it also means I get to go home a little bit earlier. Whoo! I can only take so much of this office, even if I haven't been in all that much over the past few weeks. I'm knocking on wood now when I say that at least I was able to work every day this week, excluding Monday, which was a holiday, but I got paid for that, so I'm counting it as a work day.

But enough about that.

I really need to get some writing done sometime in the near future. I was only able to write one paragraph of a short story that's been sitting around for quite some time last week, so I might try to finish that one up at some point this weekend. All I really have planned is getting my hair cut, which leaves me quite a bit of time to sit down at my computer and try to get these ideas typed out. I know where I want the story to go, but my constant writer's block is preventing me from advancing from where I am now to that ultimate goal. I have a handful of other stories that need to be finished, as well as my new play and the beginning of a novel. I don't know if I'll be able to tackle all of that over the course of this weekend, but at the very least, I want to finish up one short story out of many.

I've been doing some magickal work again lately; it feels good to get back into the flow of things in that regard. It's been too long since I actually cast a circle, and I'd almost forgotten how refreshing that kind of energy can be. I may just end up casting another one this weekend to get back in touch with my Goddess, whom I haven't spoken to in too long. We have some catching up to do.

For now, though, I need to catch up on work.

Only an hour left before I can go home. The last hour is always the longest.

[ Maleficia 8:03 PM [+] ]
...

I nearly managed to completely screw up my blog layout by moving the Archive section beneath the Links, so I had to sit here and do some creative debugging. I finally got everything sorted through, though, so it's all back to normal, but I don't think I'll be screwing around with my templates again any time in the near future. I nearly gave myself an aneurysm when what I thought was going to be a minor adjustment turned into a giant ball of crap. But in the end, I fixed it, and the Archive menu no longer has that annoying grey background that came as a default for some reason. Hoorah for freakin' coding.

It's raining right now, the thunder booming off in the distance, the forks of lightning illuminating my room with a blueish-white light every so often. It's nice to sit here and listen to the storm; it gives me a sense of calm, while at the same time filling me with a kind of energy that only comes with a thunderstorm. It's been threatening to rain all day, but I managed to squeeze in two walks before it hit. And now, after my bath and a little bit of Family Guy, I'm content to lounge around and bask in the sound of the pattering raindrops against my window.

This concludes our broadcast day.

Static, flicker, fade...

[ Maleficia 10:52 PM [+] ]
...

Looks like I was wrong about the release day for The Two Towers DVD. For some reason, I was under the impression that it was coming out today, so before I made a rash decision to run down to Future Shop to see if they had it, I checked the Lord of the Rings website and discovered -- much to my horror -- that it doesn't come out until the 26th. I don't know why I thought it was going to hit the shelves today, but I'm somewhat glad it did so I didn't have to drop a handful of cash for it. I need to save my money for another two weeks when I step on that plane, get off after about an hour and a half, wait around, get on another plane, and get off again at my final destination. Whee, travel. And I need a little bit of money to get my hair cut next weekend; I want to be looking good for the week after. I think I'll hit some stores to see if I can find a good shade of purple hair dye while I'm at it so I can retouch my streak. Also, my phone bill should be getting here in a few days, so that's one other expense I need to consider And I also need to pick up a couple of birthday presents. So that's my shopping list.

After a week off work, I finally managed to go into the office on Thursday night and had to suffer through four hours of working on the phones again. I'd gotten used to doing virtually nothing during my evening shifts, so it was a little bit difficult to get back into the groove of calling people. Once I did, though, it went pretty smoothly, and the shift didn't seem to be too terribly unbearable. I worked 9:00 to 5:00 yesterday, and after a couple of hours of going through ancient resumes that have been sitting around for months, I was left to other "make-work" for the rest of the day. I didn't do much of anything, but at least I got eight hours to sit around and get paid. Monday's a holiday, so I get another free eight hours. The suckitude of my next paycheck may not be too annihilating after all.

A handful of the photos from last week's little adventure downtown were finally uploaded, and they look pretty good. Someone is supposed to be emailing the rest of them to me sometime in the near future because I asked for them. I'm eager to see how those ones turned out, because I can't really remember what they are. Hopefully they'll arrive shortly.

I'm already on the fourth Harry Potter book, so I really need to stagger my reading a little bit; there's only one more book after this one before I have to start waiting for the next one to be published. Damn these things for being so addictive! I have half a mind to take a trip down to the candy store downtown to pick up some Every Flavour Beans, but the thought of the vomit-flavoured ones is keeping me in check. I could always set those aside and give them to someone I don't like, but I that requires effort, and we all know how I feel about effort.

Speaking of, it's time I made the effort to get out of this chair so I can get something to eat; I'm damn hungry as a result of this afternoon's walk.

This is where a matter transporter would come in handy.

[ Maleficia 4:45 PM [+] ]
...

Yesterday's walk ended up being two hours long, half of which ended up being in the rain. I didn't mind; it felt pretty good to be walking in the mild shower instead of some kind of sweltering heat. I decided to see just how far my usual trail through the woods leads, and I ended up in a pretty nice, secluded area where a tiny creek flows. It started raining as soon as I hit the end of the path, so the journey home was a wet one, but I enjoyed it. It let me clear my mind, and I got a lot of exercise. I'm glad I didn't bring a book with me, because it would have been soaked. I think I want to take the same path again sometime when it isn't too hot; the cloudy days seem perfect for that kind of long walk.

I left the house around 2:00 in the afternoon and got home a little after 4:00, relaxing for a while before heading out again for that photo session downtown. It was still raining off and on by that time, which could explain the very low turnout for the event. We were four people in total, so I quickly managed to socialize with everyone. The actual picture taking lasted maybe an hour and a half if I remember correctly, and once that was all finished (we got some pretty nice photos taken), we wandered off to a little bar for a few drinks. One of the people I was with had to meet up with some friends by that time, so after her first drink, she was off, leaving the rest of us for seconds. After two martinis, we left to catch our respective busses back home, and my day ended around 11:45. I liked the place we went to; it had a little bit of a lounge atmosphere. I think I want to go back there sometime in the near future.

Today wasn't entirely too eventful: I just got back from a much shorter walk a little while ago. I didn't feel like returning to the same place I went yesterday because of the heat, and my desire to explore something new. I ventured down past the Experimental Farm and found a nice little park that would be perfect for a picnic. I'll have to put that on my list of places to go back to.

I think I'll read for a little while; I'm close to finishing the second Harry Potter book, so I should get that done. Actually, I think I'll save the book for this evening's bubble bath so I can enjoy it even more.

For now, though, I think a nap is in order.

[ Maleficia 3:35 PM [+] ]
...

I feel like shutting down for a few days: just unplugging all my technology and going up to a mountain somewhere to light a few candles, to write a few words, and let my mind purge itself. Unfortunately, there isn't such a place that I know of, so the best I can do is take a few long walks in the woods and sit by the waterworks station, looking out at the surrounding urban landscape, listening to the cars and busses passing by. I'm going to take my notebook with me tomorrow when I go for that walk so I can scribble story notes in my nearly-indecipherable handwriting. If I'm not getting any real writing done, at least I can take some notes and pretend I'm doing something constructive with my time. Or maybe I'll just bring a book and read out there for a few hours, sweating myself to death in the mid-day heat.

There's a photo session downtown tomorrow evening, organized by some of the local goths I've never heard of before. I've been considering going to see what all the fuss is about, if only as an excuse to get out of the house for a few hours. I think I feel the beginnings of wanderlust hitting me, but thankfully, that will be quelled in three weeks. Or maybe it's a more deeply-rooted kind of wanderlust, where I want to get away from here for longer than just a few days, to settle down somewhere else and start living. That probably won't be for a little while yet, but I feel the need to get away.

For now, though, I'm going to get away in dreams.

It's time for bed.

Maybe I will unplug my technology tomorrow, or maybe I'll just stay away from it long enough to forget it for a few hours.

We'll see.

[ Maleficia 1:17 AM [+] ]
...

It's been a little while since I've updated this little collection of random thoughts, and I was shocked to see yet another new version of Blogger currently in operation. I wasn't expecting such a drab interface when I logged in, but I'm very slowly growing accustomed to it as I type this, so I suppose it isn't all that terrible. It doesn't have the glamour of its former incarnation, but it's effective for its purpose, so I don't entirely mind.

One of the most deceiving points of this new interface is the font size. It makes my posts look longer than they actually are, forcing me to keep typing in hopes of lengthening them to something that would be considered decent. I don't like to ramble on uselessly like certain self-important "writers", but I also dislike leaving my paragraphs nearly devoid of proverbial meat. Stuff, people! It's about... stuff.

(Hey, there's a Preview option now. I should have scrolled down a little more so I would have seen that earlier.)

Well then, I'm at work at the moment, freezing my divine posterior off in this overly airconditioned room, trying to feel my fingers hitting the keys. I've been coming in to the office for 9:00 every morning since Tuesday, since there isn't any evening work for us to do, so I have to face the awful task of getting out of bed around 7:00. I much prefer staying in bed and sleeping in, but at least I'm getting some hours here. My boss informed me that I won't be coming in tomorrow morning in order to give some hours to a few of the other supervisors, which is perfectly fine by me, seeing as how I would really enjoy a day off to catch up on missing sleep-hours. While this means I can be lazy tomorrow, it also means I won't be getting as many hours on my next paycheck as I'd like to. Monday seems a little iffy at the moment as well, and I have to call sometime in the afternoon to find out what I'll be doing on that day and the rest of the week. I'm guaranteed forty hours per pay period, so I know I'll be getting at least that many over the course of the next two weeks. I hope some kind of normal project starts up in the near future so I can be able to gather more money. Forty hours isn't too bad, but more is always good to have. I guess I'll see what happens come Monday.

Since there was hardly any work last week, I took in a few movies to occupy my free time. I saw 28 Days Later, which I thoroughly enjoyed. I might be mistaken, but I think Godspeed You Black Emperor! was featured heavily in the soundtrack, giving the film a great musical background to complement the scenes. I went in expecting to see a zombie flick, but it turned out to be nothing even remotely close to that. It was more of one of those mind-fuck movies, and I think I'll be buying the DVD when it comes out.

Speaking of DVDs, I want to pick up a copy of The Two Towers when that's released early next month. But back to my movie viewing for now.

Pirates of the Caribbean was also very good. It reminded me a little bit of my sailing experience, though I didn't run into any pirates wanting some kind of nifty medallion in order to lift their curse. We did raise the Jolly Roger while we were chasing our rival ship around Lake Ontario, but still, there weren't any pirates. That would have been cool... more or less... if they weren't trying to kill us. Okay, maybe running into pirates wouldn't be so cool after all.

Finally, I saw Johnny English last Friday, so that was a fun little afternoon movie. It wasn't brilliant in its humour, but it still managed to amuse me. I'd seen a few of Rowan Atkinson's specials and other shows before, so I wasn't shocked to hear him speaking. A lot of people seem to know him only as Mister Bean, and are surprised to learn he does actually have a voice. There were naturally some similarities between Bean and English, but that's to be expected, really. All in all, though, it was a fun movie.

And now, I can hardly feel my fingers, so I think it's time I took a walk around the office to warm myself up again. I've been sitting in this meat locker for too freakin' long.

Damn job.

[ Maleficia 1:25 PM [+] ]
...

The barbeque ended up being pretty entertaining. We got there an hour or so later than we'd planned, having been delayed by several key factors that held us back. It began when my ride arrived at the wrong house of one of the people that was supposed to be picked up, having forgotten that she'd moved earlier during the week. After that, one of the others was nowhere to be found after about ten minutes of waiting, leaving me stranded for a long time in front of the coffee and donut shop near my house. Well, they finally arrived, and I got into the car. Of course, things continued to roll downhill when we couldn't find the right highway we were supposed to take to get to where we wanted to be going. We ended up at the airport, turned around, and used our wandering sense of direction to finally locate the right road -- which the boss, for reasons unknown, didn't just call be its proper name -- and we were off. We got to the house somewhere around 3:30 or so, and were greeted by a platter of assorted veggies, dip, and drinks that we consumed in the living room for a little while until we moved out into the blistering heat. I got screwed on the seating arrangements on the deck and somehow ended up sitting in direct sunlight for what felt like hours, but was probably only about half an hour or so. I found a patch of shade, leaned back, and listened to various conversations, laughing now and then while I ate my carrot sticks. I didn't do a lot of talking today, the banter hovering in areas I knew nothing about: the personal lives of people I don't know. Oh well, I still managed to have a good time, even if the two large dogs caused my allergies to start acting up. I'm still feeling the sniffling and sneezing effects of that encounter now... I'm going to need several more tissues before I go to bed.

The food was served a little later in the evening, around 5:00 or so. We had chicken over the grill, some kind of curried cauliflower, and rice, and it was all delicious enough for me to get a second helping. Everyone seemed to enjoy the food so much that Boss Man cooked up some more chicken for us, but I decided I'd had enough after two servings, and I didn't want to look like a glutton. That, and I was kind of full by that point anyway. If I hadn't eaten all those darned vegetables before dinner, I probably would have had room for more chicken, but it was awesome nonetheless.

My VCR decided to cooperate before I left for this whole thing, so I was able to watch Farscape when I got home. I did a lot of sniffling throughout the episode, and that wasn't due entirely to my allergies. It was a wonderful last episode, even if it did leave some loose ends that I hope will somehow get tied up. I've heard all kinds of rumours about how they may close the show off properly, but I'm going to have to wait and see which of those said rumours will actually pan out. But it was still a really good series finale, and I think I'll be keeping the tape I recorded it on, in case I feel like watching it again sometime. I might still have the last episode of Voyager on tape somewhere; it's just a matter of looking for it.

Yes, I'm a geek.

And there's nothing wrong with that!

[ Maleficia 1:02 AM [+] ]
...

I have to go to my boss' barbeque tomorrow -- or technically today, considering it's already past midnight. It should be kind of fun to hang out with some of the people I work with outside of an office environment, if the weather doesn't decide to hand us a thunderstorm, and if it isn't sweltering outside. This is another one of those free lunches I want to take advantage of, especially since the boss is rumoured to be a pretty good cook. He talks about the various things he's having for dinner on any given day of the week, so apparently food is a big thing to him, which should reflect pretty well on the entire barbeque situation. We finally managed to organize transportation tonight, and I'll be leaving here somewhere around 1:45 in the afternoon, returning at some point in the evening. I've only heard snippets of stories about last year's barbeque, so I have no idea how long this "event" is supposed to last, but I should be able to survive for however long it is. I'll be missing the final episode of Farscape to go, so I need to remember to get my VCR running before I step out the door. And I also need to find a tape I can use to record it.

My travel plans seem to have taken shape, so all I have left to do now is save up a little bit more money and head down to my travel agent to book the tickets. I'm estimating another two weeks before I do that, so I think I should definately have enough money to cover whatever expenditures may arise. The travel agency I dealt with for the trip to New Orleans was very reliable, so I don't doubt they'll remain so this time. I can't remember exactly how much their service fee was, but I do remember it not being terribly expensive, which is a good thing. But this is all very much worth every penny I spend.

Today was hot and humid, and I think the humidity only increased when the sun went down tonight, the temperature remaining quite high. My room is blistering, and the breeze I had coming in through my window earlier has all but disappeared. I really need to invest in a fan for this room at some point in the near future. I had one last year, but my parents apparently seized it for their own use, leaving me to sweat the nights away, kicking myself for not having purchased at least a small fan before the summer started. Oh well, there isn't much I can do about that now besides... purchasing a fan.

I need to do some shopping soon.

But for now, I think it's about time I went to bed.

[ Maleficia 1:10 AM [+] ]
...

My five-day long weekend came to an end last night when my parents came home after their vacation. They must have arrived minutes before I stepped through the door after work, because they were already sitting around in the foyer, unpacking gifts for my sister from their luggage. I got nothing, since they apparently had no idea what to pick up for me, but they informed me of the imminent closure of The Museum Company, and that they saw a little Celtic cross there. But for some reason, they opted not to get it, so it'll either pass on to someone else who decides to purchase it, or it will pass into memory. Oh well; having the house to myself for the past several days was nice enough as it is. I already have a few nice little pieces from that store, so I'll be hanging on to those for a very long time. The statuettes are very nice, as are the few items of jewelry I have sitting in a little lacquered box on my altar. Yay for... stuff.

I went out to see the fireworks on Canada Day, choosing to venture into the mass of millions of people milling about the downtown core on my own. I was lucky to find a spot near the bottom of Major's Hill Park that offered a very nice view of the river, and as such, provided me with a great vantage point to watch the display. It was the best I've seen in a few years, in my opinion, and the weather was cooperating. There were a few clouds that painted a backdrop for the explosions of lights, the sparks showering down into the Ottawa River to extinguish themselves. I lost track of time, but I think the show must have lasted about twenty minutes, and the final barrage during the grand finale was spectacular. I look forward to seeing if next year will be anything like this.

And now I'm back at work, taking a few minutes from my duties to type all this up. It looks like work might be slowing down in a few weeks, but they're promising a new project that should last until August. I hope this is the case, because I'll be seriously needing the money in a little while if I want to finish paying off my credit card and purchase my plane tickets. I also have my phone bill to worry about, which will cost me a little more than I was expecting due to me not keeping track of how many minutes I was using. Oops. But it was well worth it, so I'm definately not complaining. My GST refund next week should provide some additional funds that will undoubtedly be going towards that phone bill, and that should tide me over until pay day. I don't think I'll be getting as much money as I would have liked to on this cheque, but it should be enough to keep me at least moderately satisfied. Where are my millions of dollars? I think it's high time I became independently wealthy so I could buy an old church to convert into a home. That, or build myself a castle on some small deserted island.

I like to dream.

[ Maleficia 7:30 PM [+] ]
...

A few times a year, sometimes at the beginning of the summer, my parents go away on vacation and leave the house to me. They left yesterday, and my sister is spending the night at her boyfriend's, so the house is well and truly mine. I'm writing here before I go outside to spend some time on the deck. Hopefully it won't rain when I decide to step outside. It feels pretty good to be alone in this moderately-sized house, taking care of the dog, taking care of myself. I can listen to my music as loud as I want, can sing as loud as I want. It's almost like I have my own place, and the experience this time around kind of has me thinking about the time when I will have somewhere, some tiny apartment to come home to after work.

I'm working on that. Slowly, but I'm working on it.

For now, though, I'm going to enjoy the rest of this long weekend that I have to myself, and I just might do some writing. I have stories calling for my attention; I have a play that wants to get written. If I don't pay attention to these things, I might just lose my train of thought, and the ideas I'd envisioned will flitter away. Then again, I've held these ideas in might head for months, so I don't think they'll be going anywhere anytime soon. My brain is a cage for such thoughts.

I think it's time for me to finish relaxing in the sun now. I think it's time to finish doing absolutely nothing.

It's been a good day so far.

[ Maleficia 3:26 PM [+] ]
...

Messing with the new interface... nothing to see here. Damnit.

[ Maleficia 1:40 AM [+] ]
...

It's hot.

Rediculously so.

I've only been awake for about an hour now, and my blinds are still shut against the blazing sun outside, but the heat and the humidity have still managed to seep into my room -- my room that happens to be right above the garage; the most vulnerable spot to heat on the planet -- and it's still almost unbearable. Things can only get hotter as the day goes on, so it's a good thing the office has air conditioning. The bus ride to the office, however, will rob me of my will to live. Damn the Ottawa public transit system for not investing in air conditioning! Don't they realize people need to get to work without a giant line of sweat soaking through the backs of their shirts? I don't feel like bringing a change of clothes with me to work. Maybe a towel or something to wipe the sweat away periodically. Anyway...

"Reading and doing crossword puzzles reduces the risks of Alzheimer's."

I heard that on the radio the other day, so naturally, I've started taking more of an interest in crossword puzzles than I already had. I like the feeling of accomplishment I get when I finish one of those things, like my brain hasn't completely atrophied after all. Wagner, Sibelius, Beethoven, and Mozart are helping to keep me thinking, and this journal, in a way, is preventing my writing from collapsing into some kind of fetid oblivion of bad grammar and poor sentence structure. Trivia shows also help keep my mind active, make me think. It feels good to have my brain back.

And now, I'm going to take a cool shower before my brain begins to melt and flow through my ears.

It's hot.

[ Maleficia 12:28 PM [+] ]
...

I left most of my bad mood in the woods this afternoon when I went for the first of two walks today. I walked down the newly-paved path that leads through the forest, stopping now and again to take off my sunglasses when a faint drizzle started, since I really don't like getting my sunglasses wet. I followed the path all the way to the end, pausing long enough to watch a few cars go by before the rain really started to come down before I turned around and started back the way I'd come, seeking refuge under the canopy of trees. But only a minute after the rain had begun, when I was safe under the leaves and branches, everything was calm again, and I took my time coming home. I glanced at my pocket watch, noticing just how long I'd been walking, and I smiled, not really worrying about being late for dinner by the time I got home. I was enjoying my stroll through the woods, and a little silk worm dropped down on my shirt, so I took a moment to return it to a leaf, looking back over my shoulder at it when I carried on down the path. It was a nice, long walk, and it felt very refreshing after a week of crap. I'm not sure if I left that crap at the end of the pathway for the passing cars to run over, or if I dropped it off somewhere else, but I'm glad to be rid of most of it, and I'll be going back tomorrow to wash away what little is left.

The second walk was later in the evening at sunset, and I watched the sky alternate between shades of pink, orange, purple, and blue. The last rays of sunlight were reflected in the windows of the nearby apartment building, glimmering liquid gold in cool evening air. I think that little bit of natural beauty also helped banish some of my mood, and I stood outside on my driveway by my sister's car, watching a few more minutes of lavender sky before coming inside to have a bath and do a little reading. So all in all, it's been a pretty good day.

And I'm happy.

I'm going to make tomorrow a good day, better than today was, and I'm going to take the time to make myself some decent food, take a walk, do some writing, have a long nap, a bath, read a little. It's going to be nice.

It's going to be very nice.

[ Maleficia 1:29 AM [+] ]
...

I need to find a little cottage on a mountain that overlooks a body of water where I can go when I need to be alone with my thoughts. I think this idea was brought to light by an episode of Frasier I saw this afternoon where he drives up to a secluded cabin in the woods, and elements of his subconscious become manifest so he can deal with each of them. Sometimes I wish I could do that, just find someplace quiet where I can just sit and think. There are a few places I know of where I can do that, but none of them are altogether very secluded, and it often happens that someone walks past me in the middle of my thoughts, interupting them all. I need to find someplace that nobody else knows about, where I can be truly and utterly alone. I think I'll take a walk tomorrow at some point and see what I can find; there might be something along the path that runs through the woods.

There are things I don't want to have to think about anymore. I don't want to worry about money, and whether or not I'm working the next day. I don't want to have to think about how I might emerge as the biggest failure in the Big Scary Place called the real world, because I never finished college, because I don't have that piece of paper that says I'm good at something and spent four years becoming good at it. I don't want to think about not being able to find an employer who could give me a job offer so I can gain a work visa, or about not being able to land a work visa altogether because of, once again, not having any kind of degree telling me how good I am. I can't even consider going back to school to get that degree, because I don't have the money to pay for it, and I like the freedom that working allows me. I like what I've become, even if my parents might not. And that's something else I don't want to have to think about anymore: trying to live up to their impossible standards. Nothing I do will ever please them, as far as I'm able to tell. I can't talk to either of them without them criticizing my decisions, my job, my plays, how I spend my money, or any number of other things they apparently don't approve of. So eventually, I just try to not to let their older-generation way of thinking affect me that much, but things they say can still sting. Very badly.

This has been a bad week. My horoscope said Thursday would be the last of it, so why is it still sucking now?

Maybe it's just the weariness and the downtime that sometimes comes with this hour, or maybe I really do have a defeatist attitude. Something else for me to think about.

[ Maleficia 1:37 AM [+] ]
...

"Wow, you must have it pretty easy at your job!"

No, I really don't have it all that easy. I have to deal with difficult employees who can't take criticism very well and threaten to quit when I inform them of what they need to improve, and if that doesn't improve, we'll have to take the appropriate next step, which will unfortunately be their dismissal. I have to deal with people who dodge the issue at hand and refuse to sign a formal reprimand because they can't grasp the concept of the policies every employee needs to adhere to in order to remain employed by our company. I have to talk to people who don't understand that I'm not responsible to handing out raises, and that an increase in pay is governed by what's covered in the employee policy handbook that's given to them on their first day of training. And each section of that handbook is covered in excruciating detail during the first hour of the training session. In short, I have to put up with people who just don't get it.

"All you do is sit there and listen to people."

I'm one of a few people responsible for quality control, and if something doesn't follow our guidelines, I have to take the necessary steps to ensure that the problem does not persist. We have to follow the instructions given to us by our clients, and if it was one of them listening to the phone call and not me, someone who doesn't follow those instructions would get fired, and I would get shit. I don't think people comprehend the level of crap I deal with on a daily basis. I earn the money I make, and I don't coast through the evening like some people think I do.

Yes, I can listen to music in my office and edit my blog; yes I can take a paid break when I feel like it. I have guaranteed hours and paid stat holidays, but I damn well deserve what I'm given. I'm a supervisor, and I earned my promotion through years of dedication to a job I didn't really like in the first place. I came in every goddamn night whether I wanted to or not, and I was finally promoted in January.

I earned this.

[ Maleficia 7:45 PM [+] ]
...

I lay awake in bed last night, listening to the wind raging outside my bedroom window, waiting for the thunderstorm that never came between the time I curled up under my blankets and the moment I fell asleep. The wind was vicious, making that whisling noise when it managed to invade the small crack in the window I'd left open, moaning under the small space between the floor and the bedroom door. Had I left the window open fully, the wind would have ripped the different fabrics from my walls, leaving them as bare and boring as they were until I few months ago when the room was redecorated.

But all is well now; I closed the window before I left home this afternoon.

I once again slept in this morning, probably due to my inability to actually fall asleep at a decent hour last night. So my day officially started once I got out of the shower around 12:30, and in my laziness, I opted for a simple lunch of a can of pasta.I didn't feel like making something more complicated, so that was perfectly fine. I may take the time to make an egg salad sandwich tomorrow afternoon, though; the new recipe I've discovered is just to good to pass up. Or I could warm up some of the leftover jambalaya I made over the weekend, which would be equally as good.

It finally rained when I was on the bus coming to work, though it didn't last very long, only a few moments of pattering droplets against the glass I leaned my head on, trying to nap. I didn't nap much at all, as the driver seemed to be in quite the hurry to get where he was going, jostling the bus and slamming the breaks. I chose to remain awake, watching the scenery pass until I finally arrived downtown about ten minutes later than I would have liked.

So now I'm at work, and I just finished eating a ham and swiss sandwich that one of the other supervisors was nice enough to pick up for me. Dad made some chicken soup, and that will be waiting for me when I get home tonight. It seems like we'll be here later than I'd anticipated yesterday, which is good for my paycheck, but also means I have to spend more time at the office than I'd really like to. I should just look at it in terms of the money I'll be making, rather that how late I'll be getting home after the shift. That part sucks for a few reasons, but I'll live.

At least it's money.

I'll be happy about that in August.

[ Maleficia 6:32 PM [+] ]
...

I slept in again today, a habit I really should try to break. I feel like I end up missing a good deal of the day by staying in bed until noon, or whenever it is I decide to get up, though I haven't been sleeping in as much as I used to. I'd wake up close to 1:00 in the afternoon, but I've cut that down to somewhere around 10:30 or 11:00 lately. I'd still like to be able to wake up at a reasonable hour and get more of the day to myself. Then again, the weekends are supposed to be about having time off and relaxing, so I'll keep the sleeping in for then. Of course, it would be nice to get up early and have more weekend time, too. Decisions, decisions.

Either way, I go back to work tomorrow, and we'll actually have a project to work on, which means I'll have something to do. Not that I'm complaining about the laid-back shifts I had last week, but it would be nice to have something else to do besides data entry. It's our bi-weekly project, and since we've been working on that thing since the beginning of the year, I already know our shifts will be short. Well, shorter than they would usually be if we were running a full shift, so it isn't all that bad; only about an hour less than we'd normally do. I need the money!

Money will buy me bleach and hair dye.

And a new teeshirt.

And possibly a Sandman trade paperback.

But most importantly, money will buy me a plane ticket for August, and a handful of birthday presents to give when I get there. So this is why I want to put in as many hours as I can, save as much money as possible. But I also need to pay half my credit card bill on my next paycheck, as well as my phone bill.

I need the money.

But for now, I'm going for a walk; it's a nice, sunny day, and I feel like stepping outside.

[ Maleficia 3:53 PM [+] ]
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So. My previous online journal has been going through rough times with the system it was hosted on, which explains why I've begun experimenting here. After a long time fiddling with html, I think I've managed to come up with a something that pleases me. It may not be perfect, but it'll do nicely until I can scrounge up some money in order to resurrect my old website. I doubt that'll happen anytime in the near future, so I'll be writing here for now. I still need to find some images and whatnot that might make the layout look a little bit nicer, but for the time being, I think I'll go for a walk; I've been playing with html and css too much.

My eyes are starting to hurt.

[ Maleficia 7:30 PM [+] ]
...

I've been testing this thing for about an hour and a half now. I'm tired.


[ Maleficia 6:20 PM [+] ]
...